Day 19: write a letter to your 2015 self

Its tough for me to imagine myself a year into the future, and looking back I cant imagine that I would have thought that all that came to pass this year would have been on my radar at all.
I have such hopes for this next year.
not high ones but hopes just the same.
I hope to be kinder to myself and others.
I hope I stand for what I believe in.
I wish to e able to look back and be proud of my accomplishments and not just look back and see how life has pulled me along the primrose path.
I want to have more in my life. not just materially, though that would be nice, but also spiritually and socially.
My hope for this year is to pay all my debts and be beholden to no one.
Dear self of 2015, I hope these will be your hopes and aspirations as well.
I hope that no more tragedy overwhelms you this year. Loss was a theme of this last year, challenge was the card you drew, draw another for this year and find joy in it.
Get a new deck if you have to!
you are the pilot of your life, and that is a powerful and wonderful thing.
its okay to be scared, I know I was this year. Juts don’t let the fear rule your life and make your decisions for you.
Did you pay the rent on time this year?
Do you have savings?
Did you get a better job, please say you did cause this one blows and you deserve better.
did you spend your tax refund on play or put it away for a rainy day?
Did you make new friends or keep in touch with the old ones?
Are you still writing 500 wed or have you gone up to 1000 or more?
did you get published?
there are so many questions I want to ask but the keystone is…..are you truly happy where you are?
That’s what made this past year so unbearable, I was so unhappy where I was but It was comfortable so I stayed.
Until I was thrown out on my ass almost figuratively.
I know we hate change of any kind but did you, change this year?
no matter what you answer, to any of the questions, I will still be deeply in love with the person you have become or the person you have made yourself into.
truly, I love you more than I love anyone, including myself.
its a strange concept but I love the person you are becoming ore than the person I have been.
I have had my ups and downs but the fact that you are still struggling on amazes me and I love you all the more for it.

you are before all things my Ashtore, my beloved crown of laughter, may you continue to laugh at the folly of men for a long long time!

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