The French have a poignant phrase for goodbye, it literally means when I see you with god, or when we both meet god. Its sad to think of, you are saying that you won’t see them again till you are both dead. Its a nicer version of see you in hell, you see this in movies between enemies fighting to the death in an epic battle. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again, is a phrase shortened to merry meet by many pagan circles. Its a kind of goodbye that isn’t a goodbye at all. Saying goodby to something or someone can be hard. Its acknowledging an ending and a beginning all t once, but the ending is what we see first and the beginning is something new and scary. Throughout our busy lives today we are continually saying goodbye and hello to so many people and its easy to ignore how painful losing someone in your life can be, especially if you have so many ‘friends’ that it becomes a blur. Thats why, I think, Facebook is so popular, it takes the closeness out of friendship and the sting out of the goodbye along with it. Its a double edged sword, you cut yourself off from the pain but lose the intimacy of a deep relationship, whether its with a friend or a lover. cutting cords with someone causes pain for a reason, it makes us choose more carefully who we allow into our lives. Its easier, to avoid the pain, to just not create the connection in the first place, but its sad lonely way to live. Its also ‘easier’ not to cut any cords at all, but thats a kettle of fish for another day. Saying goodbye is finding closure, you are closing the door, but its not being slammed shut in your face. The best, and worst, example of the difference was when my mother died early last year. I My father went to say a final goodbye, if not to her while she was alive at least to her body. I chose not to go with him, I said my goodbyes while she lived and chose to remember her living rather than dead. When he arrived, he wasn’t allowed to even see the body, that choice was taken from him, the door was slammed shut. He was devastated. I chose not to see her, I said goodbye on my terms. He had his goodbye stolen or forced prematurely. Theres a big difference. Its all about choices and setting boundaries, really, letting things be in and out of your life, when that choice, a basic need for autonomy is stolen or denied, it can be devastating. More devastating than cutting the cord or the goodbye itself. I think in part the pain is coupled with a feeling of violation. I don’t want to make light but its seems very much akin to rape in that way. The choice that you expect is taken from you violently and it goes beyond the physical attack. Getting back to the topic, goodbyes are always a choice, whether it is a conscious one or not. It depends on the circumstance. Everyone should have the ability to choose, to say goodbye, its a powerful thing. You shouldn’t give that power away either, don’t play the virum in your own life. Make a conscious effort this year to break ties with people or things that no longer serve your best interest Is your cchoice to remain in bondae, choose wisely.