My grandmother died and I am so devastated.

I was crying most of last night and didn’t feel like getting up this morning at all. My aunt is planning to spread her ashes sometime in the next two weeks and it hurts that I am doing this again at the same time of year I had to do my mothers ashes.

Its a hurt that I can’t quite describe.

It’s not so definable that you can put it in a box and put it away it sits there without definition alone on the shelf or waiting for you when you get home or are alone at night
it’s a darkness all on its own that carpets the stars and dims the world a little
I loved my grandmother and to lose her so close together with my mother is heart wrenching and it’s painful.
I’m crying right now as I put down these thoughts.
Its good to let it out but I really wish the beating would stop.
Death has been stalking my family as of late and I wish he would leave.
can I not go without the constant reminder that life is a cycle?
I get it, now move on the next lesson,please, this one is bringing me to tears and I only have so many.
or at least I wish I did.


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