To settle or not?

Writing today is a struggle, I was just listening to a podcast and it got me thinking about something that makes me a little uncomfortable.
The woman being interviewed mentions as an aside that she had the belief that if something wasn’t there she would create it or that she wasn’t going to just join a group because that’s all she could find. If they truly were not what she was looking for then she would create it for herself.
That’s a big statement, at least to me.
I don’t think of myself as a settler most of the time but its an interesting idea.
I had the same idea when it came to meditation recently.
I could not find the correct meditation book or manual for me, so I was settling on mediocre guides that were almost but not quite what I was looking for.
I had the crazy idea that I should just create what i was looking for but I really had no idea what that was so, the plan fell to the wayside.
I think what in essence what I was looking for was a diary of someone else’s experiences, the good and and bad, to give me a realistic grasp on what meditating daily would look like without all the failures edited out.
There are so many books out there on meditation that are truly good books but only tell the good parts or what changed for the better.
I wanted to see the author as human, see their struggles alongside thier successes. I didn’t want to be bogged down by the expectations and just be bolstered by the fact that there are going to be good and bad days, they are normal but you will get through them.
That’s kind of the basis I started writing with my meditation journal.
Its still half finished but I and still working to get it out there.
Even if it just is for me, that’s okay.

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