Submitted by anonymous: 

To the people who say ace and aros aren’t part of LGBT,

I remember growing up and not being interested in boys the same way other girls were, but I was also not interested in girls in the same way. I didn’t know what to call myself and when I saw people marching all I could think is does the B stand for me? Is that what I am? 

I remember sneaking out to see my first mardi gras when I was 15. It was magical and terrifying, and I thought maybe this really is where I belong? The amount of kids who called me strange, queer, and hearing the whispers of other children calling me a dyke. There was one boy, Ian, who I became friends with because maybe if I like some the way others did he could be one? I had heard that his mother was queer but was unsure whether these were rumours or not. All I knew was her husband had died.

I didn’t tell my own parents I was hanging out with Ian because I could already guess what they would say, I did tell them I was hanging out with a guy and that settled their nerves because even I had seen on their faces the fear that their only daughter was queer. 

One day I finally got the courage to ask Ian’s mum is she was a lesbian, but mostly she must have know something was on my mind because she sparked the conversation, she confirmed it and suddenly the questions came flowing out, what’s it like, how do you know, how do you deal with others, what do you do when you feel like it isn’t worth it, what do your parents think, do you have have any friends, who knows? For me the most important thing she said is, you just know, if something’s wrong you know, you might not be able to fully figure it out but you will still know if you don’t fit what other people think you are. 

For years that stuck with me, I couldn’t figure out what I was completely but I knew I wasn’t straight, and for years to come I was stilled called queer and broken. Parents tried to get me fixed and instead they almost did the opposite but I persevered, though others weren’t as lucky. I dated some guys but never looked at the way they looked at me, and when I was with girls a felt a little more comfortable because we had something in common. 

I met the love of my life, Maria, in 1999 we dated for a while before she introduced me to her daughter, Lily we moved in and we were happy. Even then I still knew I didn’t love the way others did, but I loved Maria and her daughter, and Lily became my daughter. Several years in a row we marched together and proudly called ourselves queer, they used it against us but now they couldn’t, it was ours.

Lily came home from high school one day she seemed nervous but excited. I asked her how her day was and I could see she was bursting to tell me something. After some time I finally coaxed it out of her and she told me how she heard of this thing called asexuality, and how happy she was to discover a way to describe herself. While skeptical at first the more she talked the more I realised she was describing me. At 47 I finally discovered a huge part of me, the thing I had known since I was a little kid, the reason people talked behind my back and the reason my parents tried to fix me. Even when people thought I was straight I was still grouped in with LGBT people because all others saw was that I wasn’t normal. 

So while you all gate keep our community because ace and aros aren’t queer I want to remind you that I was called queer for what you’re trying to keep out. Yeah you’re right aces and aro’s aren’t LGBT but they sure as hell are queer. 


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